Being a pastor’s wife is real. We live in a glass house, people see us for who we really are. There is always pressure. It reminds me of those pressure cookers my mom still uses to cook meat or beans in. I have heard some pretty scary stories of those things exploding!
Some people have high expectations of us and when we don’t fit the mold of what they think a pastor should be, well lets say we are not liked so much when we enforce change at least for the present or push people out of their comfort zone to help them increase their faith and dependency on God.
Being in the spotlight at times, people’s response to looking at us I think it is easier to find what is wrong than to respect for what we do. It is easier to complain than to be thankful. This is usually a mindset battle that we constantly have to fight to help people grow in the Lord.
I used to say to myself, “I am not the typical pastor’s wife” but now I know that is not the correct terminology I should use because it portrays shame on my part. I said this because I don’t play an instrument or sing like the mold of a pastor’s wife. I am a front pew supporter of my husband, prayer warrior and love people and that is typical right? My true desire is to help people know God to the fullest, have abundant life and help relationships in marriage, family and parenting. However by me saying this I was putting myself down because I didn’t fit the mold of what others may think of me. Is there a mold for a pastor’s wife? I don’t know, but the word ‘typical’ has become my typical. I struggle just like any other woman with my emotions, hormones, parenting, husband, balancing house and work. My husband always says, “People will admire you for you disciplines but people will follow you for your passion… set yourself on fire and people will come to watch you burn…”
Most pastors have a vision and a vision goes farther than the present, it sees into the future. I once heard it said, “A successful leader leads with the entire team in mind, not just one individual person. They see the bigger picture, they work because they see what people can become not for what they do at the present moment.” Oh boy this is hard sometimes because the flesh wants to take over and slap some people….. haha you can laugh. 🙂
In this new season God has for us my head is spinning but exciting. Some people might not understand, and yes it is change but change has come for the future betterment of us all and we should smile and march forward into the vision. The pressure is on but when the banquet is ready the food will be done!
I recently received a devotion from another blogging site I read and thought it worth sharing…. sometimes I don’t think people have an idea what goes on in our heads as a Pastor’s wife. I think this lady said it well and I wanted to share with you today.
The scariest seat on Sunday morning is whichever one the Pastor is sitting in. And the second scariest seat? The one the pastor’s wife occupies. How do I know this? Because I spoke at my home church recently with my heart beating so wildly in my chest I wondered if my rib cage might get bruised.
Sitting on the front row as each finished worship song signaled it was getting closer and closer to the time for me to step on stage, I became more and more desperate for Jesus to come back. Right now. Rapture? Hello? God? Please?
But no rapture came.
Soon there I was in front of my home church sweating like a toad on a hot tin roof. If toads sweat. I have no idea. And I’m way to tired to Google it. Anyhow.
I felt a weight of responsibility. I felt it in my heart. I felt it in my soul. I felt it in my brain.
And I thought to myself, how does my Pastor do this every week?
How does he craft a new sermon, get comfortable with that completely new material, carry that weight of responsibility, feel the anxiety of walking up on that stage, deliver a timed message in tune with the Holy Spirit, and then do it 2 to 3 more times during that weekend? And. Then. Do. It. All. Again. Next. Weekend.
Not to mention the business side of running a church. The ministry side of helping people. The leadership side of managing teams. The visionary side of how, where, and when to grow. The spiritual side of staying in tune with God personally. And the family side of hoping your kid isn’t the one who added bubbles to the baptistery. Heavens, say it isn’t so.
I also thought of my pastor’s wife. She carries the weight of supporting her man, taking care of the details he can’t, and whispering reassurances into the vulnerable places all leaders feel – even pastors. Maybe especially pastors.
Oh sweet friend, can I slip a note of encouragement under your door today. What you do as your husband’s partner is crucial and honestly one of the most important roles at your church. If you haven’t heard it enough lately, thank you.
And might I also share what finally made my heart stop beating wildly that Sunday morning? Having my husband take notes and tell me what he liked about my message. I’ve seen my pastor’s wife do this and I truly think it’s the best gift a pastor can get during the weekend services.
It’s simple. But sometimes when you speak and open up in the most vulnerable way, simple words of encouragement are good. Really good.
(And if you happen to see this and you’re not a pastor’s wife? Stop right now, pull out a sheet of your best stationery, and send your pastor’s wife a note of love and sweet appreciation. Of course, a dinner certificate wouldn’t hurt either. Smiles.)