What does sex mean to you? The church may not talk much about sex, but it certainly isn’t immune to sexual sin. Some say sex means love and for others sex is a way of control. Some say real relationships are not possible and never believe they can enjoy rich, warm, authentic love. I have seen women use sex as a reward or punishment or tool to manipulate their husbands to give them something they want, and husbands force their wife into sex without nurturing love, however sooner or later both feel used, angry and the relationship crumbles because of a distorted view of sex. Sexual desires are incredibly powerful, in fact so powerful it is like an addicting drug. If sex is not understood it can lead to tragic consequences and if we give in to our lusts, we harm not only ourselves but also everyone involved, including our family. Sexual temptation, fantasy, and an actual play out releases a “feel good” hormone to at first relieve life’s tension but as you look into the ending of a self-destructive action outside marriage it causes more damage than the feel good moments.
I met this woman during an event. She was distraught and I knew she looked somewhat confused and torn about some things going on in her marriage. She confided that she was having an affair and was thinking about leaving her husband. With three small children, it seemed complicated. She faced the dilemma that every person faces when a temptation gets out of control and leads to something that no one wants to endure. I do not know the outcome for I never saw her again, but I do know she has a long road of healing and dealing with guilt throughout her life. Depression and the onset of trying to reconcile her marriage or leave what she once knew for another adventure that turns out not so green grass on the other side of the fence. This is one of many stories I hear as a counselor of the infiltrating damage of sex. This act steals pure joy, distorts our expectations and poisons our relationships. You play with fire, you will be burned, period. You will have scars and others will see them because there is no such hidden secret, someone always knows. No one can last playing two different people because mentally you cannot live in two worlds. The real world always wins. Intimacy cannot be established unless transparency takes place.
God has made us sexual beings and we all long to find joy and thrills with the one we love. The drive to fulfill our longings sparks our creativity in the bedroom but it also makes us vulnerable to temptations. In the Bible it often describes the cause and effect relationship of our choices. No woman consciously decides to ruin her life by committing sexual sin but too many women play with the thought and then take tiny steps which lead to the next one and eventually plunge into disaster. The process starts with a seemingly harmless fantasy. The path away from pure sex is about selfishness. I usually reaffirm those of the hurt party, wife or husband it is usually not about what they didn’t do in their marriage to cause the affair, it is about the guilty person’s selfishness. With images constantly influencing us, beauty products promising us to be sexually attractive and sensuous, TV and movies scandalous, no wonder so many people fall into this dangerous dilemma. The fantasy of sex apart from marriage seem entirely normal and desirable however just as drugs, no ones never tells you the damage it will do. The heartache doesn’t resolve in minutes of confession it last for years and stains every relationship.
If you know someone who is playing with the thought of adultery, having sex in a relationship outside of marriage or plays with the thought of fooling around, take time to talk about the consequences of it and put an end to it. Sex within marriage is one of the most beautiful gifts God has given us. We need to think rightly about it so we can enjoy it but even when we fail, God is there to redeem and restore us. When dealing with misplaced sexual urges, the goal is not to repress them but to see sexuality the way God intended it. Sex was his ideas and he is more than willing to guide us so we can enjoy that part of our lives with our mate. Sex is powerful and we need to know how to handle it with extreme care. Do not ignore the warnings or the temptations for God gives us the power and will to walk away and overcome.