Only when people earnestly desire to know the truth about who they are and who they are married to can they begin to deal honestly with the struggles in their marriage.
A willingness to continually pursue an authentic awareness of the good, bad, ugly, and beautiful about yourself and your spouse will eventually shatter the denial and distortion system and lead to a refreshing freedom that only honesty can bring. I have counseled several couples suggesting the fact of honest brings intimacy and unless you are willing to get honest with yourself and honest with your spouse your intimacy level will be not at its best. There can be no hidden secrets, no unwillingness to forgive nor trying to change the other in what you expect your spouse to be like, look like or even act like. Many times in a troubled relationship, there will always be blame on someone or something instead of looking inward and becoming honest.
No matter how insignificant you might think a ‘little white lie’ (dishonesty) has on the relationship, the energy of a ‘little white lie’ looms between you and the other person. You might argue that ‘little white lies’ (untruths) are harmless. However, they are like small cracks that weaken the overall structure in the long-term. Even though all future actions may be honest, the underlying unstable foundation of a ‘little white lie,’ (dishonesty) will threaten to derail an otherwise good relationship. This then leads to further energy being spent on keeping things hidden, working to remember the ‘little white lies’ you have told and fearing the consequences of being found out. Your relationships then becomes a tiring and draining experience.
Part of knowing the truth includes having knowledge of what you can and cannot do. You can’t change your spouse. You are not responsible for your spouse’s behavior or attitudes. However, you can take responsibility for your response to your spouse and you can take responsibility of your own emotions. We choose to love or choose to be mad. Intimacy thrives in an environment of trust and honesty. As a husband provides and protects, the wife loves and cares and peace will reside in the home. The most important of all is when we actively pursue God our love will grow toward God and toward each other. Get honest, be truthful and love one another and watch God create in you His love. Honesty is the best policy.