I was forced to get up early this morning so that I could go and take an EEG, a sleep deprived one at that so I will sleep while being tested. It has been three years since I have visited the Neurologist. Of course she fussed at me for not coming back and for stop taking my medicine for seizures. In the last three years I have had only a few spells during the day and several at night. I don’t talk about them much cause they just annoy me. Lately I have been waking up in the night with my arm twitching or jerking which is really scary and I am confused or disoriented. If you ever see me and I go quiet, sometimes just stare and seem a little goofy, then you will know I am having what I call a space out spell, yes, a mini seizure. Last time I had my testing, the electric impulses on my left temple don’t want to stop with their activity thus causing my brain to malfunction. When I get overwhelmed, busy or hormones kick in they sometimes go bonkers promoting higher activity. It is important that I keep myself from overloading my brain so to speak and live a stress free life, yea right! So, today I am going to get glue in my hair, electrodes put on my scalp and take a nap in a strange bed. She wants me to start taking my Tegretol again. This medicine, twice a day wipes me out and causes me to mellow and sleep really great. This medicine is what they give to a Bi-polar person, ok now I am the crazy one.
Five years ago I totally freaked my husband and boys out when I had my Grand Mal seizure at 11 pm. I remember I went to bed around 9 because I was so tired. I was asleep and I was dreaming Jeff and I was playing tug of war over something like he was trying to pull out of my hands an article of clothing. I found out later, he was trying to wake me up, yelling and praying over me. He was awakened by my arms jerking and turning on the light he noticed I was gurgling and wasn’t breathing. My lips had turned blue and he couldn’t wake me. My husband who has had no CPR training yelled for our three boys upstairs. They are hard sleepers and hard to wake but for some reason that night they all bolted downstairs to the rescue. Spencer immediately threw himself across my legs and started praying and crying. Bryson was pacing up and down the hall, not wanting to look at me for he was about to throw up for what he saw, and Jordan was on the phone to 911 giving every detail. Jeff had his hand on my head screaming “In Jesus name, BREATHE!” I am sure it was a sight to see and very frightening for my family.
However, It was as if I was just sleeping away in a nice rested sleep. When I woke thirty minutes later unseemly surprised of all the activity taking place. I thought I woke to a dream or I was captured by aliens, you can laugh…. anyway, there was a strange man over me. As soon as I opened my eyes the light hurt my eyes and made me squinch and I wondered why Jeff had turned on all the lights. I looked up and saw one of our church board members in our bedroom, another church member, the ambulance EMT crew, a gurney, and a strange man over me asking me questions. Startled at all the commotion in my bedroom, the first thing this strange man asked was, “Who is the president of the United States”? “What”? Now I don’t know about you but what kind of question is that? I know and understand what he was trying to do in getting me to think and respond but not a question you want to be awakened with. I looked over and saw Jeff standing there with tears in his eyes and said, “I thought I had lost you.” I thought they were all crazy but simply responded to the questions. I was then asked to move onto the bed and wheeled out to the ambulance and stayed overnight at the hospital. I thank God all the time that I wore an old t-shirt to bed and sweat pants. It is not everyday you want your church members to remember their pastor’s wife in a little nightie. (You can laugh).
Although I told them not to call me mother, it was too late, she was already at the hospital and waiting on us. I didn’t want to scare her for she has much already to take care of with dad and his sickness. She then relayed the fact of when I was little, I would stop sometimes what I was doing and just stare into space. She thought it was strange as a toddler but back then there was no testing or help for this type of craziness.
Jeff prayed three years ago for me to be healed and I claimed the healing. It is easy to pray over someone and see the healing take place but when it is you, it is hard to grasp the faith when you keep having the symptoms or spells so to speak. I haven’t had another Grand Mal which I am thankful and know God has his hand on me. For now, I still hold on to the faith and know God is up to something, he will carry us through it all.
I haven’t written these last few days cause I have been swamped by photography work and such. I told myself I will not be performance driven and that writing is not a demanding factor in my life but a relief, self expressed motivation, discipline training. I want to finish my book, finish my pajama line, my CD and take a nap. It is however, I must realize I can’t always be superwoman when I want.
Prayer: Lord, You are so good to me and I know you always have a plan for our lives. No matter what comes our way, I will always allow you to be in the middle of it. I claim total healing and wait for the good report from this test. In Jesus Name. Amen.
Romans 8:2 American King James Version
For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.