We wake this morning with a powdered snow across the ground and yes no school. Our county was not prepared for snow today and the weather is telling us there is more coming in two days. We Kentuckians act like we don’t know how to drive in snow even though we have it every winter season. Everyone has the desire to go get milk, bread and just hang out in the grocery instead of staying home. No one likes to get out of routine, but there are those who still have to work and go on through daily routine. I awake feeling frustrated again and try to sort out this emotional roller coaster that I am in. Mid life crisis, hormones or spiritual warfare just makes me want to scream. I preach and teach that we don’t live by a feeling. Feelings change, so we can’t base our salvation on a feeling but by the Word of God. I must live out what I teach.
My husband bought me a BMW last friday and I finally ventured out in it yesterday. It is not a brand new one but nice. You would think that I would be happy. It’s not really the car or material things that make people happy or in a good mood. I am a words of affirmation gal, it is what makes me tick and be happy and fills my love tank.
Yesterday, out of support we go to support a young man in court. Jeff and I had counseled with him several times because the court had told him to get domestic violence counseling. Once in there, I felt like I was on trial. The lawyer told the judge I wasn’t a real qualified counselor. Although I knew it wasn’t a direct hit on me, I did take it personally. He knows nothing about me or the two years I spent in correspondence school to learn nor the two years I spent counseling at the crisis center. The judged was quite nice and inquisitive and wanted to know more about Biblical Counseling. I went in the court room for support not to degrade me as a person. Maybe I am just taking it the wrong way because I know my qualifications are not state mandated. It still hurt my feelings, so I am I suppose dealing with that issue. My face flushed, I sweat and I had the anxiety lump in the throat but left feeling confident to devise an action plan and 15 more counseling sessions in the next ninety days before another court date. My husband said that I did fine and that it was good experience. Why am I feeling tormented by this entire ordeal. Emotions out of control!
Last night I worked for over two hours researching in my books for solutions to the ongoing phone calls of people needing advice or marriage conflict. It’s not that I mind helping them because I do and I want to help but the joy of being pastor is not always fun. I like fun not drama. I bite my tongue and the thoughts of wanting to yell out “Duh, you reap what you sow”, or “Your sin will always be exposed”. Patience, waiting on God, depend and trusting on God can be just words at times and we all must learn to live it out.
Prayer: God I do not ask why I go through these times, and I know you allow it so that I can relate to others. I don’t want to be a baby desiring words of affirmation just want to know I am appreciated sometime. I need your direction and your spirit in helping me deal with my issues, my emotions and my inside hurts. In Jesus name. Amen
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 New International Version (©1984)
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.