Some people have the wrong idea when it comes to marriage. Upon pre-marital counseling we ask many questions. We talk about expectations in how we believe each spouse’s role which is usually determined how their parents did it. One of the things my mother pushed on me was, “the woman’s work is never done”, a woman was a slave so to speak. I didn’t want to be a slave when I got married! I wanted to be nourished, loved and taken care of. However most of us go into marriage thinking it will complete us and we will live carefree and not of that our parents instilled in us. The sign of reality is set up in the house and we begin to test our abilities, patience and love for one another. One of the things my father did was always work. He provided food from the gardens and he did the “man” role. My mother did everything else. So the frame of mind I had, was working to be loved and love didn’t just happen in a family. Regardless if the woman worked outside the house and brought in extra income, she was still suppose to clean the house, do chores and take care of the children. The man was just to provide for the household and do the man chores. Whose idea was that?Generations have changed in the last sixty years. Our culture however proves to be better than that of other countries, so I should be thankful. Now here comes the attitude. The attitude of love is giving and not just when we want to, but always. We are not a slave but a lover. We tend to sometimes carry this slavery mentality over in the church when we become a christian.
Within this realm of believers did you know there is a difference between a slave and a son? Some Christians behave like a slave and some claim sonship. It all starts with how you view God. If you view Him as Old man with a stick of judgement or a daddy who is going to whip you into submission if you don’t obey, you will have a works mentality. Several religious beliefs produce this type of legalistic form of doctrine that sometimes takes years to change frame of mind. How can you tell if you have the attitude of slave? See if you have the following characteristics.
Do you find yourself only being accepted on the basis of what you do or what you have or can do for others? Should you do a certain thing or perform a certain way before you “fit in”? This could be in the form of talent or knowledge to help in certain areas. Is your purpose to meet a need of someone else? Do you only seek after comfort and happiness? Are you expected to be successful, that is slavery. Do you need to prove your worth? If you have to prove to someone else that you are good enough, then you run your walk with slavery mentality. When a crisis or problem hits and it causes you pain, do you run from it? Do others put pressure on you to be successful? When you do things for others do you expect a pay back? Do you avoid problems? Do you talk about yourself and what you are dealing with in daily conversations? Do you expect more from others than you do yourself? Are you intimidated? Do you find yourself manipulating others to be recognized for your talents, work or services? Do you use or seek the supernatural for self ? Do you just focus on the now, what is going on today? Do you do things because it is your job or duty not because you want to? These questions hit me several times and I have found myself answering true to some of these questions in my past and they all have the form of slavery. I have even enforced the slave mentality on others. A slave is in bondage. A slave may live with a family but not part of it. A slave always have to strive to fit in the family and his heart is not in it. A slave knows he will get beat or rejected for not doing the right things or for not meeting the right requirements in which the family as enforced. A slave will also force others to be like himself to be approved. A slave will judge others for not meeting up to standards in the way he thinks others should. The spirit of slavery is driving, striving, working and performing. It produces burnout in the natural and spiritual. It makes one driven by guilt to perform. Slavery comes from a wrong view of who you think God is and a life built on substance that holds no truth. A slave looks like part of the family but inward the heart is cold and not that of the Father.
How do you know if you are a son or daughter to the most high will reflect these below:
A child of God knows he/she must find God’s purpose and fulfill it. As a son/daughter you will seek fulfillment not just happiness or comfort for the now . You are expected to be faithful. A family is faithful to one another and learns to be loyal finding secure love of his family. It is not a second guess whether you love God, or if He loves you, or if you are good enough or worth to receive His love. There is no questioning God’s love. Having a sonship attitude is knowing you are accepted for who you are and appreciated for it in relationship not just use you for what you can do. You are secure in your relationship with God and others. You won’t be double-minded or inconsistent with your walk. You will show favor and favor is poured out on you. You will see opportunity in problems that can be solved. Your focus will be on the team and the bigger picture not just the crisis or your life at the moment. You will walk in confidence and rest in faith, trusting God with every circumstance and being thankful for all things. You will know your gifts and use them for growing the family, using supernatural for others compassion. You sow into the future with perseverance to go and last long term. You are directed by love in everything you do. You worship because you have God’s favor and you are spontaneous instead of structured.
Take this back into marriage or to family. Don’t you love your children unconditionally? You don’t have to prove your worth to your spouse or children. Do they need to prove their love to you? Of course not. When you became married you became one, that is just it, you are one. His faults are your faults, his greatness is your greatness. You both should love each other as a family not expecting slave mentality. Seek God together for answers. Walk together in unity and pursue future goals, sow into your future not just looking at the today. The here and now may be tough sometimes but as one, you can connect spiritually to the One who can bring fulfillment into your lives. Do not force the other person to change but seek to change yourself in loving and giving as Jesus did. You don’t withhold your love from a child just because the misbehaved do you? Do you withhold love because they didn’t do what you told them to do? That is what being part of the family is, accepting and loving the other one without demanding change. You can guide a child to adulthood with love, teaching and being the example for them. Let us all be able to see if we are of slavery or of sonship and seek to be more like Jesus. Let us be a real Christian.
Prayer: Lord I pray that I recognize the slavery mentality whenever I may practice it or when it is enforced on me. I pray that we love as you love. I pray that everyone who reads this today, their eyes may be opened to know your love, your heart and you will accept us as we are. Let us realize we do the things for you because we love you not to earn your love, your blessings or your favor including working for our salvation. I believe you paid it all for us when you said, “It is finished.” I am thankful Lord to be your daughter and part of the family. In Jesus Name. amen
Romans 8:14 …those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.