Abundant life, Encouragement, Leadership

A Vicious Cycle

vicious cycleWe all have heard the old saying, “If you first don’t succeed, try again.”  Although this is good advice sometimes it can get weary when you keep trying and nothing happens except making matters worse.  There is another saying, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result.”  We all want intimacy in our relationship either between husband and wife or with children or other family members.  We want to love and be loved however when the same old thing keeps occurring which only brings heartache, then someone must change and usually it is both parties.  

insanityMany people because they have been hurt in the past let go of really trusting others, which results in depending upon themselves for support and comfort.  When we don’t take time to revise our relationship patterns we tend to think negative, have self-criticism and retreat from intimacy which brings no satisfaction from relationships.  This cycle will continue to last for years if we let it.  What happens when a person gets into a vicious cycle, they are prone to distort the reality of the present to fit the experiences of the past.  This journey is a two step forward with one step backward making it a long one and sometimes painful.  God has made us to need others, support others and to love others.

expecting a different resultI have seen people continue to hurt and be sad over something that may have happened years ago.  They sometimes carry this baggage and refuse to let go of the past.  How do you know if someone has not healed from a past hurt?  They will constantly bring it up in conversation or blurt out hostile remarks over the incident.  This cycle repeats over and over in their head like a movie playing reruns.  How does someone get over and through this vicious cycle?  Replace defensive behavior with courageous loving.  This type of love is hard, not weak.  It requires courage because vulnerability always does.  Vulnerability opens you back up to possible hurt again in which brings the thought of repeating insecure relationships.  Healthy relationships are not only crucial to happy life but also to your future outlook on life.  Changing is hard and when you have been hurt before, it only makes it harder.  Many people bail out of the relationship and hold on to anger which results in bitterness after a period of time.  The change not only involves the other party but also you.  A change in how you relate to people requires that you become vulnerable again and risk being rejected, criticized and used.  This doesn’t mean to lie down and let others tromp on you but to live boldly and honest.  A vicious cycle will continue and insanity will rule in your life if you don’t bury the past.  Learn from the past, repeat not the mistakes, love like never before and put a halt to the cycle of past hurt.  If you want healthy and happy relationships in your life, take time to evaluate your cycle of insanity and be willing to change.

Luke 1:37  For with God nothing shall be impossible.

In all conflicts, let us remember that with God nothing is impossible; and as we read and hear His promises, let us turn them into prayers with faith that we can change as we depend upon Him.  


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