Don’t you just love it when you know someone who is a drama queen about everything? When they tell a story or just tell the facts they seem to make it more extraordinary and bigger than life itself. To be a drama queen or king is usually applied to someone with a demanding or overbearing personality who tends to overreact to seemingly minor incidents. A drama queen often views the world in absolutes, and only has two settings on her emotional control button, zero and ten. Psychologists might describe a drama queen or king as a neurotic personality with histrionic tendencies, meaning they tend to become needlessly dramatic whenever order is disrupted. A drama queen is notoriously self-centered and self-absorbed, often viewing friends and relatives as lesser beings assigned to take care of her personal needs. A drama queen’s worst enemy is solitude, so she tends to be very outgoing and sociable, although many of her friendships tend to remain at surface level. Others who have experienced the drama queen’s sudden outbursts in the past may have a feeling of walking on egg shells around her, not wanting to be the person who delivers upsetting news or offends the drama queen in any way. There is a forceful personality along with manipulation skills useful in most situations.
One of the biggest traits of the drama queen is that anything and everything is about her. Nothing else matters, it’s all about her needs, her wants, and how: “it’s all about ME!”. The drama queen lives off of attention, for it is her number one priority. Do NOT under any circumstances date a drama queen. She will basically consume all of your time, and start to give you constant guilt trips for seeing your friends. Your friends are her worst enemy, because a drama queen sees them as a threat to her precious attention. WHY?
Human beings are social creatures and need social interaction, feedback, and validation of their worth. The emotionally mature person doesn’t need to go hunting for these; they gain it naturally from their daily life, especially from their work and from stable relationships.
The emotionally immature person, however, has low levels of self-esteem and self-confidence and consequently feels insecure; to counter these feelings of insecurity they will spend a large proportion of their lives creating situations in which they become the centre of attention. It may be that the need for attention is inversely proportional to emotional maturity, therefore anyone indulging in attention-seeking behaviors is telling you how emotionally immature they are.
Attention-seeking behavior is surprisingly common. Being the centre of attention alleviates feelings of insecurity and inadequacy but the relief is temporary, as the underlying problem remains unaddressed: low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and consequent low levels of self-worth and self-love.
Insecure and emotionally immature people often exhibit bullying behaviors, especially manipulation and deception. These are necessary in order to obtain attention, which would not otherwise be forthcoming. Bullies and harassers have the emotional age of a young child and will exhibit temper tantrums, deceit, lying and manipulation to avoid exposure of their true nature and to evade accountability and sanction.
Below is self-examination. You might be a drama queen if….
You identify closely with a soap opera character.
You own a fainting couch and use it…often.
You have rehearsed saying “I’m sorry” speech many times.
You practice crying prettily in front of the bathroom mirror.
You create chaos to prevent boredom.
You talk or laugh the loudest in the entire room.
You go through more than one box of Kleenex per ‘cry’.
You’ve fainted more than once in the past twelve months.
Scarlett O’Hara is your role model.
You strike a pose upon entering a room. You’ve had a temper-tantrum since turning eighteen.
No one ever asks you how you are because they’re afraid you might tell them.
You use the words “Oh My God” in every sentence.
Your life is in turmoil and you love it!
Recognizing Drama Addiction: Awareness is the first step. Becoming conscious to your surroundings and relationship dynamics is the next step. You need to pay attention. Become an observer within your family or friends. Watch how they relate to one another and to you, without getting too involved in the outcome. You are simply there to be a witness, not to participate. Think of it as gathering research or an investigation. You are collecting data that will help you to analyze upcoming interactions you may be involved in. You need to begin to recognize when drama addiction is happening.
Thrill Seeking: The addiction to drama is not much different than an addiction to gambling. When drama is happening in a relationship dynamic, excitement happens, your body produces adrenaline and there is a rush of energy. People addicted to drama are seeking that rush of adrenaline, or the thrill that the rush of energy brings them. For people that lead a very uninteresting or monotonous life, that rush of adrenaline helps them feel alive. Creating drama means stirring up the energy. It is a thrill seeker trapped in a mundane life. Stirring up drama by creating family conflicts and blowing things out of proportion may be the only expression the thrill seeker has left.
Choosing Peace Over Conflict: Even if this is the case, it is still up to you to choose whether to play the game and ‘buy in’ or choose to see it for what it is and subsequently ‘moving by.’ It is a choice. When you are looking to create peace and calm within your life, drama begins to take a back seat. The adrenaline is no longer as important.
Balance is the key! Life is more peaceful with God. Seek Him and relax in His presence. It is time for the drama queen to go!
Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which passes all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.